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Friday, September 03, 2004
the planet mercury finally comes direct today and communication snafus should begin to finally cease. i was able to engage however in some good writing and i did have some quiet time to monitor my own self-talk--so i'm fairly unscathed from the whole retrograde--except to find out that in late november to mid-december--another one is on it's way.
birthday wishes to the ever endearing digory who is just turning thirty. what a wonderful time indeed--still coming out of the whole "saturn return" phase, but so much promise and potential exists in the thirties. digory is the only person i know who has read my prosepoem "pagan love child" published in best gay erotica 98 a whopping fifty times! i'm so honored to have my story be part of his consciousness and i'm utterly inspired to keep writing. make a wish and blow out your candles digory! i'm sending you big buckets of silvery faerie dust today!
digory lives in my favorite city of portland, oregon. the first time i visited portland it was as if i had been given a secret key to the place! everywhere i went i was greeted with pacific northwest hospitality. for example, took my friends out to their favorite thai place for dinner and the owner came out and said it was on the house. went to a cafe for lunch and was offered free dessert. went to a new age shop and was given a free indian statue of a wish-granting deity. rode the bus downtown and didn't have to pay. got lost in the pearl district and someone offered to drive me back to the neighborhood where i was staying. on and on, this amazing energy. everyday i think of browsing powells' bookstore, lingering at one of the tables there and just reading. walking the campus quad. going to a poetry reading with my friend claire who lives there as well. it's a super town. there must be something about that city that draws me to it . .maybe one day i'll figure it out.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
i find myself preparing for a life i've yet to live. as if i have the privilege of possessing all the tomorrows in the world, i'm crossing future days off on my planner--some year from now, some perfect summer off from teaching i assure myself, some expanse of time when my calendar is smiling back at me . . i walk through marshall fields today and say, "now this is the shirt i'll wear on my trip to jakarta, these are the shoes i'll wear when i'm clubbing in singapore and check out those fetching sunglasses--perfect for my hawaiian cruise next year." a life that is mostly invented, a fantasy you might even say, countless miles away from me at this precise moment even, and yet, by the time i've passed through the luggage department to check out the clearance selection of carry on tote bags, i've convinced myself that i've purchased my airline tickets to jaipur and my travel itinerary is already set. i'm ready to jet set. i'm ready to board now.
what is it about shopping at the mall that sets me thinking about being elsewhere? in the glossy ad pictures postered around the glitzy cosmetic counters, i see happy couples stepping off an airplane terminal, utterly refreshed, enamored with each other's profile as they bounce off towards their dreamed of destination, perfectly pressed into their trim charcoal grey calvin klein suits. for a moment, (and maybe it's the alcohol boosters they put in expensive cologne because i've just spritzed my wrist with joop) i think i want to follow them, wherever they're going, it doesn't matter what their bording pass says in fact--they look so curious, so charged (did they just have an italian latte on their flight, did the flight attendant offer them a travel voucher?) what is leading them on with such fervor, i want to follow too. but i go on spritzing (a little lauder for men, a little jlo glow) and on the escalator to the candy section, i realize i have a terrible headache and i just want to sit in my silver altima listening to mama cass while the air conditioner purrs on. once on route 59 i'm happy again, not so dreamy about faroff destinations like india or china--just settled into the road i know by heart. the one that will take me back to my townhome, with the brown grass in the front yard and the hibiscus plant with the outrageously pink blossoms outside the front door (the one they call "disco blooms"). kitty will greet me and want to be fed and i'll set down the mail on the table and take care of all the things at home that need attention. all the things that keep me anchored here in a place that i call my town, my suburb. but not so rooted, not so complacent, that i won't be wanting to wander away tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
even in my dreams, i'm blogging! now that's pretty scary. in my dream last night i'm on some wild nature trail. i look back and there is this fantastic view of a huge gorge. that word "gorge" was in my mind when i woke up. a gorge is a narrow passage through land, especially a steep walled valley, often with a stream flowing through it. and that is exactly what i saw in my dream. now the odd thing is, when i saw this gorge i was compelled to sing to it. don't ask me what i was singing--but there i was and the notes were flowing. i'm not sure what any of this means--but there i was, standing on some peak, across from this utterly breathtaking view and i'm singing to the passageway. later in the dream i blogged about it. this is my waking dream, so i'm following through with recording it. dreams don't have to make sense, it was just a wonderful thing to experience, so i'm keepsaking it right here.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
i danced to laura branigan's anthem "self-control" back when it was a monster hit in the eighties. i became a big fan of her five octave range voice and loved all her music, especially "solitaire", "the lucky one", and "never in a million years." i am unsettled to hear that she has passed away at only 47 years old.
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