mixtape for may: "to where you are" (guitar mix) by josh groban, "harvest" by casey stratton, "force of gravity" (chilled remix) by bt, "boum boum" by enigma, "before today" (chicane remix) by ebtg, "intuition" (markus shulz remix) by jewel, "stupid" (hyper remix) by sarah mclachlan, "the book of my life" by sting, "come clean" (chris cox flood mix) by hilary duff, "don't give up" (euro mix 04) by chicane and bryan adams, "pavement cracks" (gabriel and dresden mixshow edit) by annie lennox, "i've seen it all" by bjork and thom yorke, "e-bow the letter" by rem and patti smith, "between here and gone" by mary chapin carpenter and "foolish games" by jewel.
i've been wandering through this strange full moon . .scattered emotions . .feeling dazed, remote, insular and languid, then a sudden swell of passionate intensity will jolt me into a new awareness. my heart is a stormy sky. there is pink light coming through from somewhere, but i won't see the sun until there is a much needed downpour.
i keep seeing this zen beach house. i'm living there. surrounded by quiet trees and marsh. sometimes i'm cooking in the kitchen. or typing in the big picture window that faces the water. i go for long walks and pick up driftwood and seashells in a bucket. sometimes i sit on a jetty and remember my life in strip mall city. but i don't wear shirts with buttoned collars. i don't answer the telephone by saying my full name. i dilly. then i dally. i light a fire at night. there are waves crashing outside the windowpanes. i sleep uninterrupted through the serene night. the walls in the house are humming: "everything is safe, everything is safe."
in my mind, i'm already there.
this isn't the first time i've dreamt something like this . .but last night in my dreams i was singing this familiar song . .sort of a power pop ballad, but very moving and majestic, with great lyrics and this soaring vocal. i've dreamt this dream again and again. this gorgeous music that i want to sing and hear and write and listen to. in my dream, i was trying to force myself to remember the melody. for a moment, it seemed i was in between wakefulness and dreamtime. i woke up bewildered again, trying to remember the words, the melody . .but the whole song soon became lost to me . .still i feel closer to it than ever before . .and that's something.
