"love is life. all, everything that i understand, i understand only because i love. everything is, everything exists, only because I love." -leo tolstoy
"when there is love in your heart, in your eyes, in your blood, in your face, you are a different human being." -krishnamurti
"any thought that is not filled with love seems unholy." -andré gide
it's valentine's day 2004. tonight i'll make grilled filet mignon and veggies. anthony will bring home strawberry silk pie from baker's square (his february favorite). there'll be snuggling in. pink heart dreams.
i've been meaning to make my mother's polish "kolachky" cookies. i have to make some for dawn's partner angela. here's the recipe:
the oven should be set between 350-375 degrees. bake the cookies for twelve to fifteen minutes. watch closely at the end since they burn quickly. you need the following ingrediants: one pound of softened butter, six ounces of cream cheese, four cups of flour, 1/2 pint of whipping cream.
mix the butter and cream cheese. add flour and mix until slightly crumbly. add whipping cream. mix well. set in the fridge for several hours to harden. divide into four pieces. roll into a cylinder that is roughly ten to twelve inches long. (wrap in plastic wrap to keep fresh). freeze until ready to use. must be cold and firm to slice. slice small rounds onto an ungreased cookie sheet. put thumb point in center. fill with "solo" brand filling (apricot, cherry, prune). bake. remove after twelve to seventeen minutes. sprinkle lightly with powdered sugar when cool.
received a phone call from catholic charities this morning. my caseworker michelle informed me that she has discovered a missing file and that i may now be able to actually reach my birth mother. for all these years i believed that her name was jean and now i've come to discover that that was actually an alias. my caseworker said that at this point it looks very encouraging and that within a month or so i should have some definitive news on the outcome of this. i'm overcome at the moment. trembling . .fidgety . .nervous but anxious. filled with anxiety about actually knowing the truth, my truth. there is so much to think about here. now that i'm faced with the actual fact .can i go forward . .do i want the reality after living with the myth for my whole life?
