am i getting closer . .hope lands on my head this morning after a beautiful dream . .then flies out the window .. but leaving me with the reminder that when i change . .the world changes too . .so ..
what if i were braver . .what if i were fearless . .and less critical, and more generous, and less worried about who gets the bigger piece, and more trusting in giving, and service to others, and kindness .and what if i acted as if everything was already perfect . .everything is now as it should be right now . .and this moment, this breath, this now is blessed, and infinite, and wondrous . .and that everything is sacredly alive and contains a part of earth's mysterious consciousness . .and what if i carried this notion along day to day . .and grew deep in this wisdom that everything, everything is magical, and necessary and part of my own creation . .my own evolution . .and that my risk and my evolution was necessary for the evolution of others . .and what if i took myself absolutely seriously . .knowing that i am always talking to my own heart . .and moved about with solemnity and yet with a cheerful lightness . .and stoked that faerie part of myself . .that unique starfire in me . .and what if i opened up and sprayed my poetry everywhere . .and believed in the potency of my own art . .and knew that my gift was needed . . .and that i was needed . .and what if i forgave my abandonment . .and held onto my own self . .my own beautiful heart . .and what if i took responsibility for myself and really took seriously the things i believed in . .in open love, in acts of compassion, in art as ritual, in feeding myself the best of life: good friends, well-spent time, creative passion, exotic travel, deep relationship, nature, all things of beauty and tenderness, and fragility . .what if i acted as though i were the man i felt i was meant to be . .and that each electric thought wave of mine seeded my destiny . .and that death was not final and that this life would just prepare me for the next life . .and that i could love again . .wilder, and fiercer . .and with momentum . .and what if i knew that one's life work took courage . .and that an authentic life demands that i be relentless with myself, with always giving the best part of myself . .and that my love spent would always return . .and flow back . .big love . .enormous love . . . .and that everyone i interact with should be repaid a kindness--as though everyone is my mother . .and what if i could then finally, finally take the risk to be loved, to be seen, to be held for everything that i am . .everything . .what if i could be that vulnerable . .and that strong . .what if i could give the most beloved part of myself to everything that i do . .and breathed knowing that each moment was vital and to be cherished, and remembered . .and what if i knew with absolute certainty that everything counted . .every thought, every whisper, every gesture, every kiss, every word . .everything . .and what if i woke up tomorrow and believed with complete conviction that i was forgiven .that i was redeemed, and deserving of a beautiful life . .the one i keep thinking is so distant . . .and yet the one that must be lived right now . .right now . .right now.
what if i were braver?
