no valentines . .well one. from b. . .very sweet, very earnest . .after almost a year and a half of online chats, you'd think i'd break down and we'd meet . .but something . .something . .ate too many dark chocolate hearts at work . .treated myself to those white macademia chocolate cookies at mrs. field's . .flirted with young boys behind the counter . .walked with my collar up . .bought cristian castro's new cd and listened to latin hearthrob music on the bus ride home . .
today i confessed to rose my amorous attraction to t.d. and she laughed. "you've been in therapy, haven't you" she counters. "why are you attracted to all these emotionally unavailable men?" i shudder. "what are you protecting yourself from?" she smiles. i swallow hard. we make a date for big chicks boy bar sometime next month.
t.d. sat down at my desk moments later and rubbed his leg next to mine. he smelled like a pine forest after a rain storm. his hair was neatly combed. he's was wearing a blue plaid shirt, very french. he made no apologies for breaking our date for tonight. i slumped. i said something obvious, too obvious, about how i wished he'd stay in chicago. paula was sitting at her desk and rolled her eyes. i turned scarlet. t.d. looked away. he crossed his arms. he made some excuse about killing time and exited the office.
i played abba at work today, turned it up really loud: "dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen." oh, yeah. . .
i wanted negronis or or an amaretto or a campari and soda or something, something sloshy in my head tonight . i wanted to flirt, i wanted to be sexy . ..instead i lingered at the student art opening, went home and called my mother, talked about a trip to florida when i was a kid and how ten thousand sand dollars jostled into dust in the trunk of our car on the way home.
"where's the ocean? when you covered me with kisses oh it meant so very much! where's the ocean? where's the ocean?" --toni childs
